Re-entry

 

This year has brought out many opinions, statements, revelations, and ponderings from writers of all kinds.  My last blog entry was eight months ago and though I’ve had many thoughts and possibly a few worth writing down, I have not been inspired to write.  It has a lot to do with my unfortunately powerful saboteur, Hyper-Achiever, with her familiar questioning of what I have to offer.  It’s already been said, done, or wondered by someone else.  You must be outstanding at what you do, and if you can’t then you shouldn’t try, She tells me.

It’s not amazing enough, She tells me.

So I don’t write.

It feels like no one needs more stuff to read and digest.  We have been inundated with articles and information, including conflicting information, and facts to balance and risks to weigh. There are so many words to consume these days.  Whether it’s a blog I subscribed to by choice or a local-government-issued document about whatever’s current on COVID-19, election year news sources, podcasts featuring knowledgeable guests on any given subject, or brilliantly-written articles about X/Y/Z passed along to me by respected colleagues, I have been overly saturated with words and thoughts this past year.

So I don’t write.

2020 was a culmination of issues, ideas, and questions.  I can postulate with the best of them about reasons why, but I haven’t cared to do it in writing.  Though many brilliant and innovative ideas have crossed our paths this year, there’s a ton of repetition as well.  I’ve been amazed at the creativity of workers captive in their living rooms-turned-home-offices with family members who need attention and distraction each workday, and colleagues who haven’t skipped a virtual beat to keep the organization going strong. The adaptations and creative ways of keeping things going this past year have been astounding.  But if I hear the word “pivot” one more time, or read an email that starts with “I hope this finds you well despite the ongoing challenges of the pandemic”…  or includes the words “these unprecedented times”, I just might throw my laptop.  There are many words that are well-meaning, but they are losing their meaning as they have been used over and over and over in attempt to make sense out of a seemingly senseless year.

My Dining Room Kitchen Nook Home Office

 

What is going on??

 

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What’s coming to get us now? 2020 was filled with monsters

 

So I don’t write.

I’m seeing a pattern. And to be perfectly honest, dear readers, if you are still with me, I have no profound ideas to share with you in this blogpost.  But during some reflection over the holidays, I realized if I’m going to call writing a hobby or have any serious thoughts about using it in my professional life, or improve it at all, I damn well better write.

So I’m writing.

Maybe the only purpose of this entry is to shove myself “off the couch”.  I’m a former elite athlete and carry the training mindset with me into other aspects of my life.  If someone told me they were a cyclist or runner but they hadn’t done it in 7-8 months, I would question their use of that identity then query about what was holding them back.  If they told me they had goals of improving said sport, maybe doing it “professionally” some day, I’d certainly question the training plan that included over half a year of inactivity.  So, off the couch we go:  into the mountains, onto the road, onto the track… onto our laptops typing whatever blasé words will come.  We take a step forward and ignore Hyper-Achiever (and Judge and Pleaser and so many other enemies) and see if we can make some progress.

Pick a direction and take it

 

Whatever it is for you, maybe you do it!  If there’s a nagging longing to return to something, or start something new, consider taking that step without judging it against all the other steps that other people have already taken.  2020 has been described in any number of creative or disturbing memes we’ve seen cross our social media accounts.  Even if you didn’t create something new and amazing during the months on end of quarantine, or use your extra time and attention and gas money to improve yourself in any number of ways, even if what you think you’re good at seems to be The Most Common Thing To Be Good At, let’s have another go now.  I’ve realized I miss writing, but maybe needed that break even if I don’t yet see the reason why.  I believe the ideas and words will come to me, less and less overused and tired-sounding, if I re-open that part of me.

 

2020:  A mean puzzle of a year full of pain and unknowns and missing pieces, crossroads and roadblocks. It deserves a lot of look-back for learning’s sake, but it was too much for me to take in as it drew to a close.  There is a lot of hope for what 2021 brings, but it’s not going to change at the flip of a calendar page.  I could find myself six more months in with enough writer’s block to build a fortress and never write again.  So, no more walls– let’s do the things we find pleasure in and want to do without the judgement and overwhelmingly-high expectations. 

Thanks for reading what I’m writing, and Happy New Year.


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