“Hi, yes, good morning, this is Whitney!”, I said preemptively enthusiastically to the person on the other end of the phone, who paused, a bit taken aback and then continued with their scripted greeting: “Hi I’m calling to speak with the decision-maker of the household regarding supplemental accident insurance; is Whitney Garcia available?”
….”I’m sorry, what?” Then I realized it was not an interview call-back, it was a telemarketer, so I followed up with “Nope, she’s not here right now, but thanks for calling!” (insert eye-roll)
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Having voluntarily left a good job over a year and a half ago in order to pursue a long-time goal of living abroad, I can’t complain that I’m now between jobs and struggling a bit with the process. I’m thankful for the leap of faith I took to do it, and for the overall experience I had. I also knew I’d head back to the States after a year or so and it probably wouldn’t be super-smooth. I’d probably have to start over in many ways, some I now welcome and others I dread.
As a 38-year-old single person, I moved back in with my parents for a few months upon return from Colombia. I learned the term in Spanish: Hotel Mamá. Yep, it’s a thing there too. I mean, it makes sense- many of us have to rely on the stability (and generosity) of our parents for another season after becoming an adult and maybe even after making pretty respectable lives for ourselves. You don’t live with your parents again only because you’ve screwed up or are unsuccessful or lazy. While I was there, I decided there was nothing better than to be grateful and try to contribute to their lives in a meaningful way while I took up space in their guest room and ate a lot of their food. (I am in love my mom’s pantry that looks like a prepper staging room for when the Apocalypse occurs; no one in our family will go hungry for months, and we’ll have all the ingredients for endless batches of chocolate chip cookies and pans of lasagna).
My parents are great– fun, interesting, kind people; we have a healthy relationship and I was happy to have this opportunity to spend time with them outside of a short vacation. For a month… then two, then… well, I thought I’d find work by Then, but I didn’t. Turns out looking for work from afar isn’t that productive. (I was living in California but intending to move back to Colorado). I made a lot of time for remote connections via email, LinkedIn, messaging…but no amazing job offers surfaced and out of the 20+ applications I completed, 7 have gotten back to me- with polite denials.
I had come back from South America with some new ideas, perspectives, a ton of interests, and a unique confidence that I think came from having “figured out a lot of stuff” while living abroad and traveling. Which is great, but doesn’t present so clearly as a resume-worthy accomplishment. After a couple months, I was struggling with lack of direction. I realized that the bottom line was…feeling not important. In any job there is purpose of some kind. Without a designated role, I don’t feel so needed. I want to feel that my presence and contributions are necessary, and therefore valuable. I realize, on this end of unemployment, that when I am working I seek validation by contributing but thereby I am looking for ways I can be needed on a consistent basis.
Knowing I had to use my limited finances wisely, I rewrote my own resume several times, but hired a service to help me with some “direct” connections.. In conclusion to that story, I think their service could be valuable but it kind of came down to me doing some cold-calling in order to benefit from the lists and resources they did give me. ..And I haven’t been feeling it. The more I learn about job hunting these days, the more I see that good connections and networking are key. You could get lucky with an out-of-the-blue introduction, a great resume and some fortunate timing, but all (yes, all) of the people I’ve talked to about finding a job that truly suits one have encouraged me to lean into the contacts I already have: really reach out to people and find connections, even twice or thrice removed, at any organization I’d like to work for and get a foot in the door that way. Not with a phone call or email to someone you don’t know. Not many people have time for that.
I hardly ever think about my age (the number), nor ever let it dictate what I should or shouldn’t do. But it feels like it dates me to say something that I feel right now which is, “Wow, looking for a job these days has really changed!” I think it’s the term “these days”. That’s just not something a really young person says. I guess because these days are just their…days. The frame of reference is shorter: why even talk about “those days” because in those days the person was only, like, in the single-digits and certainly not knowing nor caring about responsibilities. Or job searches. Or networking. Or supplemental accident insurance.
But I digress. So, I am leaning into connections, utilizing conversations with meaningful people to help guide me. Reading, observing, asking questions. Not being presumptuous. Finding peace with the next job perhaps being a stepping stone, where I can- you guessed it- learn more. Finding peace in the humility of not being employed yet, all the while cultivating a hunger. Lighting the fire of wanting to bring more to the table. I won’t settle, but I’ll be realistic.
Perhaps if you’re interested in this blog topic, in some recent reading I found this great article about Mentorship- What Nobody Tells You About Finding Mentors by Ryan Holiday. (Note there is some possibly offensive language used in the article.)
So, do I have anything to contribute? I feel like so many other people have really good new ideas and so much business savvy; when I read about yet another person’s story, I’m nodding and going, “yeah that was a good one, why didn’t I think of that?” So then, am I just here to nod and appreciate and put things into place that other people have already designed? How am I contributing??
Ebb and flow. Some days I feel more peace with what is, and isn’t. Some days frustration, spinning wheels, some anxious thoughts. There are many moments of knowing things will change, I’ll move on, so at least I try not to squander the Now.
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A couple months ago, I had a helpful text conversation with my 2-years-younger brother. He was supportively checking in on me and my “process”, and I was being honest with him about my varied feelings.
Me: “I rode my bike a couple hours today and at the end of the ride I was all annoyed and kind of worked up.. some of it was because the bike doesn’t fit me great, and it was hot here today and I just felt uncomfortable. But there’s some other aspect to why internally I was feeling pissy, I think I just don’t know where I fit in and I’m so wired to seek out purpose and production and I don’t know what that is right now.
Aside from the time I’ve taken to pursue my goals abroad, that was totally worthwhile, now I’m like “what’s next??” I need a destination and it hasn’t been made clear yet. I have faith that it will, and part of my learning is to sit tight in this time and trust- as I take steps in some direction.
But it’s not a comfortable space for me, so daily I have to make peace with that and ask God what I’m supposed to be learning.. sometimes moment to moment!”
Jeff: “I can’t say I’ve been in your exact position but from the outside looking in I think your angst is entirely understandable. So that’s from a very objective standpoint from which one could say, ‘Relax, chill out, enjoy this opportunity that you will never have again…to be job-free at this stage of your life with the figures in your life that are at the age and wellness that they are (our parents).” But in context, that could never happen! Your personality is absolutely so wired with productivity…it doesn’t even matter with what, you just are wired to be actively moving in a direction. I think it’s true for a lot, if not most, people…I’m included.
Shoot, if you could just turn that off and just cherish all this time while you casually in the nature of ambivalent curiosity look for the right job (that in all reality likely will present itself the same whether you stress about it or not)…that’d be awesome. You can’t do that though. We can’t do that. No one can do that. We can’t turn off our programming. But I guess the upside of all this is that that same nature is what’s going to give you drive and satisfaction in that next vocation. And the same one that has allowed you to revel in all the great things you already have done.
So easy for me to say from my position outside of your circumstance…I know it’s got to be a challenge and frustrating and maybe scary. But I think it makes sense. And I do think the more you can continue to do all the healthy things you already are doing the more accepting you can be of this circumstance. This is another one of those tough transitions in life, and for all we know you may be very close to being on the other side of it. I try to keep in mind: You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Stripped down, I guess it’s really true, even though often not the easiest to accept”.
Me: “Your response is spot-on, Jeff! Very well written (hmm, maybe I’ll feature it in my blog- haha). I accept the feedback you give me with an open mind, and I agree- I truly believe I am exactly where I need to be and I’m trying, daily, to turn down my need for productivity and open my mind and heart to this time of “less to do” and a ton of possibility. I do realize the great position I’m in, with a lot of experience behind me and a lot of energy to move forward.
Me: “Ps, My favorite line that you wrote is just cherish all this time while you casually in the nature of ambivalent curiosity look for the right job that will present itself the same whether you stress about it or not. I mean, really. Mic drop ?
