At 22 years of age, I graduated college from Cal Poly State University, San Luis Obispo. That time of my life has been on my mind because I recently visited friends in San Luis Obispo (commonly called “SLO”). I haven’t spent any significant time there since graduating and therefore, being in SLO brought back many a memory, and some reflection.
I never studied abroad, nor took extra time out of my studies for travel or any other significant experience because I was bent on getting through school as quickly as possible. In retrospect, I wonder why I was so rushed when obviously the rest of my adulthood stretched out vast and wide before me. Those years in college are priceless, but some of us don’t realize the value of semi-adult life without all the responsibilities because we are on a mission to get to real adulthood with all the responsibilities. Why? I guess for me, I wanted to prove that I could do it and I’d earn my way there with determination and the required work… not stopping for detours.
My story also includes that I chose to get married just a couple months after graduation, launching myself into the pathway of “responsible, married adult person”, but ultimately the marriage wasn’t successful. I was in a rush with everything, with too vague a sense of who I was (am). I have learned many, many lessons along the way and now in my 38th year I have a ton more perspective.
While I was wandering around downtown SLO the other day, it dawned on me that despite my up-and-down road & all the lessons learned, I am again a little like my 22-year-old self just about to graduate. The world is at my fingertips! I have training/education, a lot of eagerness, and a drive to be productive and succeed. I want to utilize all my experiences and make a difference in this world! Well, 16 years later it is a little ironic but I find myself in a similar boat as I did just after graduating.
I left my job in Colorado in February 2018 in order to realize a long-time dream of living abroad (in retrospect I wish I would have take the opportunity to do so during college, but…perhaps I wasn’t even ready for it at that time). Now that I have returned from my stint in Colombia (South America), I am armed with a wide variety of experiences, new enthusiasms and passions as well as plenty of my “old” ones, and I’m on a mission to find my next place, my next purpose. But it hasn’t revealed itself yet. I’m looking for a meaningful job for which I am qualified yet will also stretch me, and I must decide on a multitude of details. This is not so different than looking Cal Poly graduation in the face and contemplating the next steps. But with a little more patience.
It’s truly a gift to have a blank page in front of me on which to begin writing the next chapter of my life. But the blank page, it’s also daunting. I’m a lover of productivity, I’m wired to feel purposeful and when I don’t feel that then I flounder. I’m working on recognizing the realities of my wiring and navigating it in better ways (interesting note: check out Enneagram and Clifton StrengthsFinder) because in the past I acted like taking time to reflect was wasted time. That’s such a shame but now I know reflection and rest are key to productive forward motion.
I believe this is a season of growth for me even as on a day-to-day basis I feel my feet are sunk in cement and I waste time like never before. When you’re not working, it is a fact that you can be paradoxically busy all day long yet have nothing to show for it and wonder how in the hell it became 6pm when you just got up and made the coffee.. which really was 12 hours before but what happened in those 12 hours in between the coffeepot and the pillow is truly a mystery!
So I ask myself these days, what will I do today? But that’s habit; it’s not really an important question- not like I used to think it was. It’s one I can waste time, effort, and emotion on but I really need to be asking myself: Who do I want to be and what role does this day play in that process? I wish I would have asked myself that as a 22 year old, but I’m grateful that at least I get the chance to ask it now, and to wait more patiently for the answers.
